interview with death by bruce cherry

I have to say, you don't look anything like I pictured.

(Laughs) Oh, people expect the robe and scythe and everything.
This is much better. I can surprise people.
They think I'm just waiting for the bus.

Are there any artistic representations of you that you really like?

Anything by Albrecht Durer.
Oh, and I loved Brad Pitt in Meet Joe Black.
I watched that thinking, hell, I'd like to fuck me. (Laughs)

We have to know: Has anyone ever cheated death?

Well, I paid $300 for a gym membership that I never use.
But that's my own damned fault.
I'll tell you this: People think I make a mint off of franchising
my image in movies like Death Becomes Her
and Death of a Salesman, but I don't make a dime.

The ones that really piss me off are the heavy metal bands.

Is there anything you can do about it?

In 2003 I got an agent. They have lawyers looking into it.
I could make a living just off of Woody Allen's references to me.
What's up with that guy?
And they call me dark.

Do you ever get tired of your work?

Once in while you think you're going to have an easy day, then blam!
Another earthquake in Turkestan.
Haven't those idiots ever heard of retrofitting?

How do people react when they find out who you are?

Everybody wants to strike a deal.
The thing that gets me is the number of people
who want to play me in chess ever since The Seventh Seal.
Give me a break. Really, would you try that with any
other professional?

"Hey Mr. Dentist, instead of paying my bill,
I'll play you in a game of Chutes and Ladders."


Any advice for people when they meet you?

Yes: Don't bother with the clean underwear.

Yuk.

Hey, Death be not proud.

Do you ever make a mistake?

Once in a while I jump the gun, so to speak,
and take somebody early

What happens then?

We work around it. How do you think Tupac keeps releasing albums?

Finally, is there anything about you that people would be surprised to learn?

That's a tough one. I'm really into Jackson Browne.
Still.
(Laughs) I get teased about that a lot.
But seriously, Lawyers in Love is a great album.
I guess it reminds me of high school.

Thank you for your time.

My pleasure. I'd like to talk longer,
but I have a, uh. . . .plane to catch.

Oh...